The high today is going to be 37 degrees. (I can't believe I'm actually going to say this.) I'm excited about that. No really, I was actually almost giddy!

I will share with you the reason why I am joyous about 37 degrees... last week it was -11 and with wind-chill it was like -19. Yeah, that's why I'm freakin' giddy!

Searching

I frequently have dreams that feel "movie-like" to me and tend to be about being someplace where I feel the journey to get where I'm going is treacherous and confusing. Now matter how dangerous it appears, I am unscathed by my surroundings. It doesn't mean that I am not scared. I just know somehow I will make it through.

Last night I dreamt that I was wandering in a huge nursing facility. Even though I was wandering I didn't feel scared. I felt like I was searching for my Dad but I felt safe and peaceful. Another part of the dream I was outside and I saw a swimming pool and a winding staircase. My dreams don't always make sense but sometimes reading about their meaning is like a light-bulb turning on. Below are some interpretations of the key parts I could remember.

To dream that you are wandering, suggests that you are searching and looking for some direction in your life. You are lacking motivation. Alternatively, it represents a transformation.

To see a pool of water in your dream, indicates that you need to understand and deal with your emotions. You need to dive right in. Alternatively, a pool may indicate your need for cleansing. You need to wash away the past.

To dream that you are walking up a flight of stairs, indicates that you are achieving a higher level of understanding. You are making progress into your spiritual/emotional/material journey. It also represents material and thoughts that are coming to the surface.

To see spiral or winding stairs, signify growth and/or rebirth.

To dream of antiques, represent your time honored values, tradition, wisdom and inherited personal characteristics. It symbolizes something genuine or proven. Some things in your past are worth holding onto or worth keeping.

I am on a journey of discovery. I don't know where it will lead but I have faith that God is guiding me into something greater and more rewarding than I can comprehend.

Ecclesiastes 11 : 5 - 6 As you do not know what is the way of the wind, or how the bones grow in the womb of her who is with child, so you do not know the works of God who makes everything. In the morning sow your seed, and in the evening do not withhold your hand; for you do not know which will prosper, either this or that, or whether both alike will be good.

Hope and Patience

Something made me get up last night as I was drifting off to sleep and felt I needed to read my bible. In my bible cover I have a journal that I've been writing in for a decade! I turned to the first page and I realized then why I needed to get up.

"To hope means to desire with expectation of fulfillment. God is raising our level of expectations and increasing our hope for the future so that our faith may be activated to free us from what we see, strengthen us and give us peace."

Below is a portion of a devotional from Jay Kesler:

[Longsuffering] This quality of courageous patience is one of the fruits of the Holy Spirit (Galatians 5 : 22 - 23). In the King James version, the term is "longsuffering." It seems that significant character change is not possible without pain; look what it cost Christ to buy us the ability to change. Perhaps it's not possible for us help another person grow without pain, either. But there's a special power in the kind if suffering that takes place when a person stands, day in and day out, for what is right. It's the kind of power Jesus displayed when he was reviled but did not revile back. The person who desires change doesn't try to force it, but chooses to live the best way he or she can under the circumstances, trusting in God for daily strength and the final outcome.

2 Corinthains 4 : 7 - 18

Isaiah 40 : 29 - 31

I've been feeling overwhelmed by thoughts of my Dad. Mostly memories and dreams. One dream inparticular was Dad making pancakes like when we were kids. He would ask us which ones we wanted and we would deliberate and make our decision. Sometimes silver dollars, or "Pink Panther", or Mickey Mouse but most of the time it was regular ones because there was a lot of hungry people to feed and they were the quickest. I have a very strong hope to move back to California and be with my family and take care of Dad. I need to be with him as much as he needs me. God's timing is better than anything I could have tried to make happen by myself though.

Score

I always have an endless stack of mail on my dining table. The other day I finally went through it and lucky thing I did, there was a coupon for a FREE Chipotle burrito that expires on 12/31/08! Awesome, score one for me. Today I went with my friends Colleen and Will and enjoyed the deliciousness of Chipotle. Mmmm...

For the last month I feel like I've been in a fog, on November 25, 2008 my Dad had a major brain-stem stroke and has been in ICU since then. He has previously had smaller strokes but nothing of this magnitude. His eye-site and left side has been affected the most dramatically. He can't see, but may regain (at least) partial sight. My Dad is strong, always has been. I know he's still in there and he's fighting to come back.

It's not easy to see my Dad, the pillar of our family, confined to a hospital bed. I trust that God is holding him in the palm of His hand and taking care of him. No matter what we think He never leaves us alone. Since my Dad had his stroke God has been threading the remnants of our family together. Healing those old hurts to bond us together to make the strongest connection we have ever known. I have to trust with everything in my being that there is something greater happening here. There is peace to be found and sometimes that is through struggle.

The way God works isn't always the way we would choose, but after everything settles I believe we are stronger people for trusting in Him.

Surprises, Good and Bad

Okay first the good surprise, my birthday is in two weeks. My husband has a beautiful plan for me. He suggested we go to a hotel for a night just so I can go swimming! You see, we moved into this housing development in December of 2003 with high hopes of a pool that was promised to be completed by Memorial Day 2004.

Well, it is August 1st, 2008 and all we have seen is a hole being dug and I have yet to have my pool dammit! Completely infuriating.

My birthday is on a Friday which I am super excited about. My friends and I are planning to go out for drinks after work and then Saturday Kip and I will be headed out for some long overdue pool/alone time.

Now for the not so good surprise. I have been at my current company for five and a half years and I got written up for the first time yesterday. For socializing. Yep, I can't even believe that they would even bother. I was talking to someone (about a work issue) and a tattletale, ummm person saw me having that conversation and decided that they were going to tell my boss. And because this person was very demanding I got written up.
I am good at my job I get my work done in a timely manner and I get written up for chatting. To say the least I was upset, I cried in front of my boss and to tell you the truth I really didn't care at that point. Being written up for that is stupid and I told him so. I asked him what was an acceptable amount of socializing and he didn't have an answer for me. But he did tell me to keep it to a minimum. I asked him what that meant and he said "hi, hello, how are you, and move on." I was trying very hard to keep my emotions under control because my tears were out of anger at that point. I felt betrayed by him and just lost. He wasn't given me any direction and the paper with the write-up on it said I could be terminated if it happens again. Terminated for talking? I don't think so. I am furious. When my boss came in today he couldn't even look me in the eye. I don't understand why I am this person's target all of a sudden and if I'm busy "socializing" then she should be written up for being a no-good, busy body. I would like to say worse things and did yesterday.

My friend Colleen took me out for coffee after work last night and listened to me vent. I just love her, she is an excellent listener and a great comfort to me. I felt so much better after that. Then I had a crazy dream as I was drifting off to sleep last night and "that no-good, busy body" decided she was going to show up at my birthday bar extravaganza. I told her some some choice things and all my friends and I all threw our drinks at her and ran her out of the bar. That made me feel better too. Maybe not the most mature thing to do, but it was a dream and we were drunk.

I went to work today and sat in my office like a good little girl and got my work done like I always do. I didn't socialize unless my friends came to me and even then I still "kept it to a minimum." What a joke.

I prayed for peace and a better attitude over and over today, because our company picnic is tomorrow and I think I will have a better attitude once I see all the animals at the zoo.

5 Things on my Lifelong To-Do List:
1. To live on the same street as my siblings.
2. Visit Graceland.
3. Adopt a male orange tabby kitten.
4. Travel to Germany for Oktoberfest.
5. Drive cross country (Northern Route).

Sweets I Enjoy:
Cupcakes, Starburst, Sour Patch Kids, Reeses's Pieces, Cinnamon Graham Crackers, Cinnamon Pita Chips

5 Favorite Songs:
Purple Rain - Prince
Gimme Shelter - Rolling Stones
The Ghost in You - Psychedelic Furs
Homelife - John Mayer
Ain't No Sunshine - Bill Withers

Last 5 books I read:
1. Certain Girls - Jennifer Weiner
2. Must Love Dogs - Claire Cook
3. The Ha-Ha - Dave King
4. Fool Moon - Jim Butcher
5. Storm Front - Jim Butcher

Last 5 Movies I saw:
1. Forgetting Sarah Marshall
2. Ironman
3. The Invisible
4. Finding Nemo
5. 16 Candles

Places I have lived before:
California
Virginia
Ohio (Currently)